Coming to Grips with Online Dating Part II

. . . continued from Coming to Grips Part I.

Because I’m terrible at billiards, I always say, “If you hit the ball hard enough, it’s bound to go in somewhere.”

That’s the same approach I took to dating. The night I “met” my husband, I wrote six different men. And that was nothing. I wrote everyone that looked interesting – remotely or very. A three second look at the photos, a two second read about their interest in sailing, and I would click “send message”, type a short question, and off to the next profile. My first email to my husband? “Do you get much time to climb? Or is school too busy?” Don’t bother with those stupid pokes or pre packaged flirts. And do not under penalty of death write anything longer than two sentences.

Don’t get caught up on one profile. It’s not a person; it’s a profile. That would be like becoming obsessed with the Kashi box, and when you realize what it really tastes like, you don’t care how much protein it has, no thanks!

I said a little prayer of gratitude for every man who didn’t write back – what am I saying? I wrote so many men, I didn’t even know who did or didn’t write me back. But I was grateful when men didn’t because who wants to date someone who isn't interested . . . I know, picky, picky.

If no one writes you back, have a friend do a profile consultation. Remove those pictures that you took of yourself with your extended arm holding the camera.

When a man did write me back, I pretended like he initiated it. I would sit down and thoroughly read his profile. You don’t catch run on sentences like, “i am laid back and well balance and i love to make new friends,meet new people,hangout with friends,i play softball, i am very brave,strong and energtic [sic the entire sentence],” from the quick sort and mass email method. Once he writes you, that’s when you take the time to find sentences like that. You can’t make that up – that was, no kidding, from a real profile.

Or try this one: “ . . . I have the right balance between tough macho guy, romantic sweet guy . . . I can reconstruct my own home . . . and then . . . reconstruct someones [sic] nose . . . [s]earching hard thou the day ends to [sic] soon. Sunlights [sic] last beams sweep across . . . ” He can inflict his crappy poetry on someone else. Life’s too short for poetry like that.

I digress. You may love Kashi or sappy pseudo old-English clichés strung together to imitate poetry. Whatever works. It’s up to you to decide who to write and who not to write. I’m not saying that everyone you write, who writes you back, who you write back, will write back to you, but at least you’ve hit the ball hard enough. And I know I promised I’d tell you how to detect the gorillas. I will. When my husband wrote back, and I wrote back, and he wrote back, well . . . that’s when this whole thing turned into The Nancy Drew version of You’ve Got Mail, literally . . . Read Coming to Grips with Online Dating Part III