First things first. My dad always said, “Being single is no disease, and getting married is no cure.” I always figured that if I wasn’t happy being single, I probably wouldn’t like being married either. Did I just claim that? Actually, that was my mom – trying to get me to stop crying after the 7th first date in two months.
So, had I just found on the internets, “the one”? Were my single days numbered?
A few weeks before we met in person, through all my sleuthing, I was confident that he was indeed named Jake Scott, really attended law school and lived in Spokane. Here’s one of many things that increased my confidence: my father put the word out to his Home Teacher (if you’re not Mormon, this means Assigned Friend), and the Home Teacher had a nephew that personally knew Jake and vouched for him – name, picture, everything. My dad said, “Why don’t you just get engaged before you meet him?” My dad worried a lot about me sticking around and driving him crazy back in those days. Still does.
I lived by a cardinal rule, still do: never be friends with boys. I know, I know, you hate this rule. I knew that when Jake and I met, it would come down to two options: to date or to not date. I warned him about this. “If this doesn’t work out, we cannot be friends,” I said.
With Jake, even on the phone, I did not put my best foot forward. Why put your best foot forward? Do you want someone to fall in love with you or your foot? Also, I tried to limit his expectations of me. I told Jake I was annoying and that I talked too much. I told him I didn’t have a waist. I told him that if he had girl-hands it wasn’t gonna work.
I made a plan. On the phone, I said, “Jake, I don’t want to open the front door and see you. That will be awkward, especially if I don’t think you’re attractive.” I proposed that he meet me on a bridge at my condo complex. It crossed a lovely little stream. I made a Map of Love explaining exactly where to park, how to walk to the bridge and what to do: walk up from behind and put his arms around me. That way, I would feel him first – before I could see him. Touch is my love language, so I thought this would give our little romance the best chance.
But you can’t mess up fate. Things will work out or not work out, but it’s all for the best. I tried to ruin it. I did everything you’re not supposed to do. But when it comes to “the one”, it just can’t be ruined. I mean, have you ever heard of a better way to ruin a budding relationship than to tell your date you’d rather not see him? How many ways can you spell sabotage?
My whole life I thought that I needed to be smart or beautiful to get married. Did I just claim that? Actually, that was society – I have seen a lot of stupid, ugly people get married. You’ve seen them too – admit it! Now, perhaps it was my turn. An imperfect, flawed woman meeting the imperfectly flawed man of her dreams. Or maybe not . . . what if girl-hands wrapped themselves around me? Yikes!
Jake graduated from law school on May 9, 2008 and then would be in Utah for three weeks; during which, he would study, take the Patent Bar and date me. Three measly weeks.
So, Map of Love in hand, Jake began the 12 hour drive to meet the woman who would become his wife . . . Read Coming to Grips with Online Dating Part V