I met Emily at church. Next thing I knew, I was making her cookies and calling her at late hours, coming on way too strong, yet thinking, “I hope I didn’t come on too strong.” She’s fashionable, tactful, nine years younger, and out of my league. She’s cosmopolitan. I’m neapolitan.
On Saturday, I obtained news that I first told my husband in excited yelps (he’s my true love), and then to my embarrassment, thought, “I should call Emily!” You will be proud to know that I refrained – another plan to contact her emerged: I’ll wear my “all the rage” leather jacket and tell her at church!
But I smelled like ham. I brought cubes of cold ham hock for my son. Seeing him eat it two handfuls at a time didn’t have the effect I’d hoped for. He smeared it on her. Sigh.
I admire Emily for many reasons, but one is that she is both more funny and more kind than I am. More . . . what’s the opposite of demanding? More non-demanding. She writes a hilarious blog, which truth be told, inspires me. My muse she is. Before her, my blog was a hollow shell of macaroni. Now, as you can see, it is cheese stuffed. Admire the graphic she created for the title above. Talented, huh.
I’ve realized I cannot just become the person I esteem through stalking. I must actually try to emulate their qualities through my actions. For example, yesterday, I sent her (and I am not joking) five emails (I know, it’s awkward, but I can’t lie to you). She sent me one. Thus, today I only sent her three emails. See, I can read social cues.
To Emily, I’m sorry that you’re so charismatic and witty that I want you to be my minute-to-minute life coach. Your amazingness does you a disservice. There isn’t anything you can do about it, so don’t get down. Don’t worry, I’ll call later to cheer you up.